What is Mensline?
DVConnect Mensline is a free, confidential telephone crisis counselling, referral and support service for men living in Queensland. This service is available 9am until midnight, 7 days a week. In the last financial year, DVConnect’s Mensline received almost 15,000 phone calls and referrals.
DVConnect’s Mensline offers counselling, referral and support for both:
- Men who are experiencing domestic and family violence
- Men who are using violence in their relationships
Men experiencing domestic violence within their relationship
Domestic violence happens to all genders, males against females, males against males, as well as females against males. Although not as widely publicised, it does happens. Domestic violence and abuse within intimate relationships can happen to anyone, regardless of their gender. It is control and power based based. For example a man could experience this from his girlfriend, his boyfriend, his wife or his husband.
Domestic violence of a man could take the form of any of the following:
- Damaging your personal property – examples include:
- Throwing something that is yours across the room
- Throwing out/burning/cutting up your clothes.
- Physically assaulting you – examples include:
- Being slapped
- Being spat at
- Being scratched
- Being burnt
- Being bitten
- Having your hair pulled out.
- Social isolation – examples include:
- Unreasonably restricting you from having access or any sort of contact with your family and/or friends
- Not allowing you access to your social media accounts, changing your social media account passwords and sending and responding to messages as if they were you
- Not allowing you access to your phone, changing the phone passwords and sending and replying to text messages as if they were you.
- Emotionally / Psychologically abusing you – examples include:
- Being constantly yelled at, both when you are alone with the abuser, as well as when you are in front of other people
- Being belittled in front of children, family, friends, or when it is just the two of you
- Being constantly ignored, either when you are alone with the abuser, or in front of other people
- Receiving constant criticism
- Receiving constant put-downs
- Receiving constant belittling remarks about anything, which could include masculinity, not earning enough, not looking a certain way, not helping enough.
- Limiting your decision making – examples include:
- Limiting you from making decisions in relation to anything within your household ie finances, purchases, lifestyle, living arrangements
- Removing all opportunities for you to make decision in relation to your household ie finances, purchases, lifestyle, living arrangements
- Threatening to harm you, your children, your
- Dominating you – examples include:
- Displaying dominating behaviours designed to harm/frighten/control you
- Threatening to harm you, your children, your pets or someone else.
No one person’s experience is the same or typical. There is no ‘typical’ experience within this situation. Domestic violence within intimate relationships can change over time. Rarely do relationships start with abuse and violence. It is commonly something that happens with time, and very rarely improves, unless the abuser is willing to put in the work required to change their behaviours.
Questions to ask yourself:
- Do you feel safe in your current relationship?
- Are you insulted, demeaned or criticised in public by your partner?
- Is living with your partner like ‘walking on eggshells’?
- Does your partner prevent you from doing things that are important to you? e.g. seeing family or friends
- Does your partner threaten you?
- Do you feel like you are in an abusive relationship? Remember domestic violence includes verbal abuse etc, it is not always physical.
- Are your partner’s needs the only ones allowed to be met in the relationship?
Domestic violence is used by both genders. It includes verbal abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, damage to personal property, digital abuse, social abuse, financial abuse, stalking, sexual abuse and spiritual/cultural abuse. If you are experiencing this, please call Mensline on 1800 600 636, we can help you.
Men using domestic violence in their relationship
Many men who are using domestic and family violence in their relationships are able to change their behaviour. When men choose to seek help and change their behaviour, they go on to have healthier and happier relationships, role modelling positive behaviours for their children.
Mensline Queensland recognises violence is a choice and actively works with men to:
- Acknowledge the courage it takes to ask for help to put an end to destructive behaviour
- Acknowledge that individuals are accountable for their own behaviour and are responsible for how they choose to react to stress factors
- Acknowledge and encourage men to change behaviour through support, referral and advocacy
- Crisis Counselling – The Mensline is supported by specialist male and some female counsellors. In 2017-18 Mensline provided support to 14,860 Queensland men.
- Court Support – The counsellors can also provide Court Assistance either in person or via the phone, and practical support through the lens of family safety and accountability. Mensline aims to highlight the impact of abuse on partners and families, and challenge people who use violence to change their behaviour.
Call Mensline, we can help.
Available 9am – midnight, 7 days.