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What is Domestic and Family Violence? | Elder Abuse | Children and Young People

What is Domestic and Family Violence?

Most people think domestic and family violence only involves hitting and other forms of physical abuse… but it is really about an ABUSE of POWER, where the central element is that of an ongoing, pattern of behaviours aimed at controlling one’s partner or family member through fear. This is far more likely to be perpetrated by men against women, but domestic and family violence does occur towards men as well.

Domestic and Family Violence occurs when someone in an intimate or family relationship engages in behaviour that causes fear or harm to another person or persons in that relationship.

Domestic and Family Violence happens within all cultures, all demographic and socio economic groups, at all ages and between de facto and married relationships; within intimate personal relationships including same sex relationships, between family members and within informal care relationships.

In an effort to gain or maintain power and control over another person, a wide range of abusive behaviours can be adopted by perpetrators of domestic violence and include but are not limited to:-

Physical abuse	can be direct assaults on the body, punching, pushing, strangling, causing or threatening personal injury, using objects or weapons. Assault on children, being denied access to your home, deprivation of sleep or food.
Verbal abuse	constant put-downs, ridicule, name calling, humiliation in public or in private, focus of insults around sexuality, body image, intelligence or parenting skills.
Social abuse	systematically controlling  who you see, who you speak to or receive phone calls, messages or email from , where you go – even where you live so that you become socially or geographically isolated from other people.
Financial abuse	refusing you access to money or providing an inadequate  ‘allowance’– especially where the money is legally due to you whether via  welfare entitlements or your own wages or preventing you from seeking or holding down a job.
Damage to personal property	using physical strength or violence to intimidate you by causing or threatening to cause damage to your property or valuables, e.g. kicking walls, throwing things, pulling a door off  hinges or damaging your furniture, car or personal belongings.
Psychological	behaviour and / or comments and taunts to undermine your sense of self, your personal security or which are likely to impose a sense of vulnerability around your personal safety or mental health and wellbeing. E.g. Driving dangerously, threatening or causing, injury to pets, making threats about custody of children or asserting that no one including the courts would believe your story.
Spiritual / Cultural	not allowing you to practise your chosen religion or cultural beliefs, or misusing religious or spiritual traditions to justify physical or other abuse towards you.
Stalking	constantly worrying or frightening you by following you, watching you, phoning or messaging you and waiting outside your home or workplace
Sexual abuse	ANY forced or unwanted sexual contact or activity.

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Domestic and family violence wrecks relationships, splits families and damages children who witness abuse.

Domestic Violence can happen anywhere at any time and is perpetrated by all kinds of people!

People who use domestic violence in their relationships break the law.  Domestic Violence Protection Orders, criminal charges, jail, fines and financial ruin can all result from this behaviour.

For some people Domestic Violence may be perceived as a private family issue – but is unfortunately a wide reaching community issue….affecting the physical health and emotional wellbeing, the learning capacity and productivity and ability to earn a living  for thousands of men women and children across Queensland every day.

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Elder Abuse

Domestic and Family Violence towards older people includes any act within a relationship of trust which results in harm to an older person and is referred to as Elder Abuse.

The most common forms of elder abuse include physical abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse and neglect. For more detailed information and advice click here… Click here

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Children and Young People

ARE YOU UNDER 18 years old?

If you are a young person concerned about violence or bullying in your home or community, we encourage you to talk with someone who will understand your worries and how you feel.

One of the best groups to call is Kid’s Help Line on 1800 55 1800 (it’s free to call them)

Kids Help Line has people for you to talk to who understand your worries and know how to explain things to you and how to help you. They have lots of experience talking with young people and will listen to your story. Then if you like they will talk with you about want you want to do and what to do for the best.

There are also websites that are designed especially for young people with useful tips and information about what you can do or who else you can call…. If they have a 1800 phone number you don’t pay for the call – it’s free – OR you can call them and ask them to call you back.

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If you are concerned about the welfare of a child or young person

There is no doubt that domestic violence affects children. Children who witness regular acts of domestic or family violence – even if they are not physically assaulted themselves – have a greater likelihood of developing emotional and behavioural problems than other children.

Children and young people living with violence are often directly involved in the abusive situation either through witnessing the abuse, being abused themselves or suffering as a result of parental stress and frustration.

The impact varies according to their age, gender, and role in the family.

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The effects of domestic and family violence on children and young people can last a lifetime.

Some of the immediate effects may include nightmares, anxiety, withdrawal and bedwetting.

If you are concerned about the welfare or safety of a child or children you must understand that at some level the child or young person may believe they have somehow caused or contributed to the situation and could feel they have some responsibility or control over what has happened or is happening around them.

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Things to remember

Children who witness regular acts of violence have greater emotional and behavioural problems than other children.

Some of the immediate effects may include nightmares, anxiety, withdrawal and bedwetting.

Seeking support to take action against domestic violence shows your child that abuse is not acceptable and can be stopped.

It is vital that children know that the abuse is not their fault, that they are loved and cared for and that it’s okay to talk about how they are feeling or thinking.

The effects of domestic violence on children may include:

• Feelings of fear, anger, depression, shame, confusion and distrust
• A sense of powerlessness and vulnerability
• Bullying peers, or being a victim of bullying
• Physical reactions such as stomach cramps, bed-wetting, headaches, sleeping and eating difficulties, frequent illness
• Slowed developmental capacities such as poor school performance and suspension and/or expulsion
• Low self-esteem and difficulty relating to peers
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Behavioural problems such as running away from home, aggressive language and behaviour, acting out
• A belief that, violence is a legitimate means for resolving conflict or for obtaining control of a situation

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How to help your child

You can help your child emotionally recover from domestic violence in many ways:

• Get support to take action against the violence.
• Protect children from violence by taking them to a safe place.
• Tell the child that abusive behaviour is wrong and be a role model for other ways of managing anger and solving problems.
• Reassure the child that none of the violent episodes were their fault in any way.
• Tell them how much you love them and cuddle them often.
• Encourage them to talk openly about their feelings.
• Get extra help for your child if necessary.
• Enlist a trusted adult to provide your child with emotional support.
• Seek professional help, such as counselling, for all family members.

If you are concerned about your child or children or a child or children you care for, talk with a counsellor at  DVConnect Mensline on 1800 600 636. For more Tips for Dads – click here 

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